Five Ways to Calm Wedding Jitters

Pre-wedding jitters are common, and perfectly normal. There are two sources of pre-wedding jitters. One is the stress of planning a life-changing event. The other may be a very real reminder of unresolved relationship issues. How can you tell the difference?

 

No individual is perfect. And because every relationship puts two imperfect people together, there will be issues. The trick is to recognize that not only does your partner have some annoying traits that you have to put up with—YOU have annoying traits that your partner has to put up with. Perhaps that context will help you put things in perspective.

 

On the other hand, some flaws may be fatal to a relationship. And if your instincts are sounding off a blaring foghorn warning of abuse, infidelity, or substance abuse, you may want to postpone or cancel the wedding.

 

However, most wedding jitters are rooted in stress. Here are five ways to help calm that stress.

 

1. Make a list of the things you're worried about. Leave a space between the items to brainstorm what you can do about it. If you have unanswered questions about past events or future aspirations, ASK. If you're worried about some wedding detail disaster, think of a plan B (caterer doesn't show up? Send Uncle Dan to the grocery and recruit Aunt Sally to whip up a batch of her famous sandwich spread.)

 

2. What helps you relax? A day at the beach? A long, hot bubble bath? It helps to plan a "me day" immediately before the wedding to take a break from the stress.

 

3. Share your worries with your partner. He may have some of the same fears, and working through them together can start your new life working together as a team.

 

4. Change is scary, and marriage is a major life change. Try to look at change as an opportunity and a challenge, instead of an inconvenience. When it comes to major things, know where you're willing to compromise, and where you're not.

 

5. While you want your wedding to be perfect, you can't plan everything. It may rain.

 

Your cousin's toddler may reach for a handful of wedding cake. The ring bearer or flower girl may get an ear infection or flu. Many weddings have their little disasters—but what causes stress today will be a great story tomorrow and will help make the memory more special.

 

Finally, some people suggest calming pre-wedding jitters with tobacco, alcohol, or medication. This could be a big mistake if done to excess. Furthermore, the effect wears up and the underlying problem is still there. Better to resolve the problem and be free to enjoy your new life together.